Dark Goddess

Shut THE fuck UP^!  -_-

 

Seriously. I wasn't going to address the inevitable shit-dribble as a result of M.J's death but it's gone too far. Making a mockery out of Michael Jackson's memorial, criticizing the amount of love, respect and honor people have for ANYONE deceased is a new high low. Furthermore, doing so with scorn, hate, jealousy and power tripping in mind, must reserve a person a special place in hell.

 

New Yorkers- Known for making their own luck and not giving a fuck.

Our congress man, believe it or not, heard so or not, Peter King, has done the unthinkable as far as men of the law are concerned.

 

I will not, not, fucking NOT post what that jack ass said. Not on my journal space. Nevertheless, what he said initially was not worth getting upset over BUT with a little help from Bill O'reilly, Peter King's comments have quadrupled in disgusting...

 

Here is what Peter King has been saying in response to mass-spread mourning/coverage over Michael Jackson. Using the war as an excuse to publicly hate on Michael Jackson? haha Good luck next election, Pete!

 

It gets worse! In turn, the following happened...

 

The Bitch Fit List-

 

1.There is a difference between sleeping with a child and having sex with a child.

Anyone continuing to twist "sleeping with children" into having sexual relations with children is a fucking pedophile, has pedophile tendencies and needs help. You hear the word adult and bed used in the same sentence and it is YOUR mind that takes it to those grotesque and disgusting levels. The world you live in may make it impossible for innocence to have a place once entering the bedroom, well, that's your problem. STOP FORCING YOUR SICK DEPRAVED MINDSET ON SOMEONE ELSE.

 

2.After M.J was found not guilty on ALL counts, and even after Jordan Chandler ADMITTED (the 1st boy to accuse M.J of molestation and whose case was settled out of court) to lying about Michael Jackson molesting him, people are STILL enforcing the bullshit. How convenient that no one is conducting a conclusive investigation to this news. Enough! Give it up. The evil exchanged thus far is coming across as spiteful, ignorant and or racist.

 

YES! I said racist, motherfukcer!

 

I'm sick of people using Michael's children as reason to label him as anti-black. FUCK YOU. Once again, it is YOU who is bringing the issue of color to the table and that makes YOU racist on some level... NOT MICHAEL. He was not a self-hating african american. His skin-lightening was due to a skin disease that left him no alternative to an all-over whitening of the complexion.

 

3.Michael Jackson's children are white because the person or persons biologically responsible for Prince, Paris and Blanket were of other decent. Who are any of you to decide that if Michael had been offered surrogate services by a black woman, he would have turned her down? He loved his mother and his very idol, James Brown, who are African Americans. Enough said. Any comments from Michael himself or elsewhere were said to protect the private matters.

 

4.Debbie Rowe OFFERED, yes 'offered' her uterus to bear Michael's children. In her own words and on video interview. She offered. He did not ask. He did not have multiple women of different ethnicities to choose from upon deciding to do so. The very idea came from Debbie Rowe.

5.Michael's career (at the time) would not permit him to practice conventional methods of romance, marriage and family life. As a man desperate for a true anchor and source of unconditional love, and as a man who has always loved children, he took her up on her offer. There. Was. No. Other. Way. Whether the kids were to be white, blue or martian didn't matter to Michael. Love is all he sought to dispatch and receive, and not on the lines of what the public/media gave him. Not on a thread dangling over a fire pit of ridicule, judgment, criticism and misunderstanding. I am happy Michael got to be the father he wanted to be. As a black woman, I can tell you that color makes no never mind in my perception of Michael Jackson. Not as a person or an icon. Not at all.

 

Surrogate children are not as uncommon or shockingly awkward as the media has been forcing people to think. In fact, it is so common, that it was how the nation-wide loved television characters Monica Geller and Chandler Bing got their t.v. children...

 

Not to mention Phoebe who willingly gave birth to triplets for her brother and his wife on the same show. xD

 

There are unwanted pregnancies the world over. It's because of people like Michael Jackson that the unborn actually get to be born.

 

Michael Jackson breaking down racial barriers through MTV and Rollingstone "are not important"? Go fuck yourself.To say that music which is a HUGE part of culture should not be reagrded as important among society is one of the most ignorant things to ever hit the air waves.

culture- the quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent in the ARTS, letters, manners, scholary pursuits e.t.c

 

Like it or not, Michael Jackson was an exceptionable and truly irreplaceable artist. Deal with it!

 

Any person black or not, who assits in equality in ANY aspect is a hero in my eyes. Entertainment was once the ONLY facet for blacks to be socially embraced. When we were used only as slaves in films, comic relief, servants e.t.c. The climb up the 'progressive role-playing ladder' was a long and nearly impossible one, that started before Martin Luther King was even an active equal rights activist. From stars like Lena Horne, Sidney Poitier and Sammy Davis Jr., I have always appreciated their hand in a social-struggle that was once long overdue, but the M.V.P is always acknowledged on higher appreciative praise. While that may not be "important" to people like Bill O'reilly who comes from an era of black and 'only white' television, it means something to plenty of other people. Yes, there are unsung heroes whose accomplishments did a great justice in the destruction of discrimnatory walls but none of their successes match that of Michael Jackson.

 

Michael displayed many cultures as they were, unmodernized and without apologies. He gave people who were conventionally seen as 'media unfavorable', the self empowering confidence to know that they have the capability to dream and conquer while solidifying a feeling of importance within society. MTV and Rollingstone plays a part in expressing what the world is currently infatuated with and while entertainment resources are not as important as Michael's more obvious explicit humanitarian feats, they do count for equalizing an iconic-ground that once stood colorless and displaying a vision of the world as more of a whole instead of a whole lot of bull.

 

Peter King, Michael Jackson made efforts within his career that envisioned a world of non-violence, peace and eqaulity from songs like "Heal the World" to "Black or White" and plenty inbetween. While war is necessary at times, it's ultimate goal is to bring an end to rivalry and peace among it's participants. How much longer will you support the opposite? If you wanted to raise issues of the war on media platforms, then you could have done so without shit talking Michael Jackson. Bush-Pusher! Michael Jackson cared about the PEOPLE in war... and a hell of a lot more than you do and NOT in the puppeteer fashion that you do either.

^ I'm sick of politicians pushing anguish and death while dragging on the horrid act of war and then waving the stars and stripes in our faces as explanatory consolation!

 

Rant semi-over! I know the shit is far from over. If you're one of the people who feel like Peter King or Bill O'reilly...

 

 

Have you heard the silence?



 

Pieces of My Chemical Romance and the MCRmy arsenal, spread over the net and youtube, have been and are being denied, muted and appraised at 'not worth it'. A royal pain in the ass of a royalty battle between Warner Records and youtube has rendered a huge chunk of the sites videos as mere 'eye teasers'. How much and how long this bout will carry on is uncertain but 1 thing is for sure... soldiers don't go down without a warcry! Now's the time to...

"Stand up fucking tall!"



Warner has left youtube and is taking their artists with them. After failed negotiations for youtube to supply Warner with more money than their 2006 contract agreement, Warner has decided to 'shut up' since youtube won't 'put up'.

While some, not all lyric videos, tribute videos, music videos, and live performances; even the occasional INTERVIEW accompanied with seconds long of song play, are being hushed; one can't help but wonder exactly what type of criteria is being taken into consideration for content removal... other than flared tempers and power tripping on the label's behalf.


So what are we gonna do about it?

We're gathering 100 signatures in support of an MCRmy affiliated protest against Warner's decision to take away the chemistry.  It is basic band persona for a group to 'shut up and play', but My Chemical Romance has never been your basic band and has never regarded their fans as basic either.
 
"Our fans are extremely, intelligent, expressive..."- Gerard Way

Yes, taking away a persons right to freely express themselves while saluting their favorite band on the net, is a will that has been battered unrecognizable in the indecisive world of digital licensing. While the music may be more understandable in the take downs on youtube, the interviews certainly are not. Still, even the uploaded videos containing full length song audio put together by the little director in us all, are worth defending.

We the consumers, merch-purchasers, i-pod clods, download dominatrix's, youtubers, music lovers, and fans alike, believe we have the Right To Tube Too! (R2T2)




An official letter of complaint, along with your comments from any in support of R2T2 will be sent to the label.


How far has this gone?

A past protest conducted by the London MCRmy in defense of the band and the late Hannah Bond was recorded on camera. In these videos, fans are simply singing songs of MCR's ...







^Unnecessary! How much further this will go is uncertain but is definitely looking to be run on an unethical path.

From an observational perspective, it's quite ironic how Warner cutting off their artists' worldwide public from a 24 hour supply of 'who that artist is' and 'what they are playing',  is ultimately Warner cutting itself short. Youtube has done many labels a favor of constant commercializing and public promotion. Commercializing, that if the labels attempted themselves, they would most likely end up spending more money than they were making. Warner is choosing to withdraw their artists' names from heavy exposure, and what arguably is the heaviest of exposure in today's high technology media world. This is a contradiction of a labels responsibility to their clients. This is a slap in the face to consumer.


While this may not end with just My Chemical Romance content, it is the MCR fan that is most at a loss among the banned playlisters:

Adam Sandler
Alanis Morrisette
Arctic Monkey
Avenged Sevenfold
Cher
Def Tones
Disturbed
Goo Goo Dolls
Green Day
Head Automatica
HIM
Linkin Park
Madonna
Metallica
Muse
My Chemical Romance
R.E.M
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Smashing Pumpkins
Static -X
Stevie Nicks
Taking Back Sunday
The Used
The White Stripes

MCR- From life saving to therapy on speaker, and over again. What MCR has had to SAY throughout the band's existence has bonded thousands of fans in the name of music, inspiration, and rock hard dedication- either to the band itself or survival of the misfitted. Unlike your average 'ax chuckers', MCR's selfowned identity has won their fan's respect and admiration ten fold and lent a huge hand in getting their wallets to unfold.

More than just sound out of a recording studio, My Chemical Romance has institutionalized hearts, countries over. 'Pissed' isn't even the word to describe fan reaction to putting a nuzzle over MCR's offstage and out of studio mouths along with what apparently is legally 'not ours'. The voice of displeasure is being cranked up by many prohibited persons. MCR related or not. 



 Rolling stone's article on the matter highlights MCR as amiss on the video sharing site.Yes, we MCR fans are crazy for My Chemical Romance and until recently, we we're able to show it.

Official MCR property belonging to the label (meaning anything from Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge to The Black Parade album) are all on Warner's watchmen list for removal. Thank God for Eyeball! xD All jokes aside- this is still an action taken too far and deserves a counter of equal sincerity.

Youtube may or may not be at fault for allowing a flooding of tunes so mass that one label's pockets begin to itch; but they are not liable for Warner demanding more. Warner, however, is responsible for resupplying what they have taken away interview-wise. If they do not, and depending on how long this keeps up, the label, the artist and the fans may suffer more than foreseen. In a situation where ultimately, nobody wins, the biggest loser is not Warner... yet... even though this 'kicking and screaming' behavior of theirs, expresses them feeling otherwise.


Warner is holding our favorites and a few of 'the greats' hostage while bullying youtube into handing over their milk money. They are putting a price on  free expression . With the issue of money among the American economy, everyone is more than likely to have their hand out wherever there is a probability of raining cash. I, for one, believe angst to be more powerful. Carry word over to your individual corners of the net and rally the troops. 2 words or ten. The power to s.u.f.t is on your keyboard. Soldiers, march!

This was posted to the guys official site just today. Find out what Gee has to say...

"They say it's only a matter of time."- Bob Dylan

My timing may be a little off but oh well! xD

And the ballot goes to...

Bob Dylan. :)

If you noticed the color of my skin, it may shock you to hear that I hadn't planned on voting this year. Its no secret that I spend way too much time using buzznet for the Mcr benefit. Just know I'll never be ashamed of that fact and have them to thank for introducing me to who I now know to be a great, epic, phenomenal man and by far 1 of the greatest poets in the history of written word... Bob Dylan. I also have them to thank for saving me from a lifetime of regret, being that I wouldn't have voted without the little shove they supplied me with.

I have heard many people say that "racism is dead". I'll tell you now, that is NOT true. Growing up as a black woman is a task all on its own. In America especially. But even outside of its borders, the people around you can build or destroy confidence in ones race. Location is everything no doubt and in your heart is where you should know you're beautiful no matter what color you're not. ;)   

Sadly enough, on an episode of the Tyra Banks show, a group of black women resembling many women of color through shattered images disesteeming to themselves, fail to recognize that truth. These women were willing to risk their lives for a fake surgical procedure staged by the Tyra Banks show, just to lighten their overall complexion.

Self worth can be a big heavy bag of hollow hate straining the back of your fellow citizen. But they most certainly did not lift that sack of horse shit on their own.

"I'm black pretty and she's white pretty." - Tyra Banks  on another episode, comparing herself to the wife of Ben Stiller in response to a compliment he gave her.

^That has to be one of the most idiotic race aware things I have ever heard. Tyra, I love you but as much time as you spend preaching about how women of color need to be seen as EQUALS, uplifted and build confidence; how dare you publicly set up the color line between us. Pretty is pretty. Whether you're brown and smeared with white bird shit or white and smeared with brown dog shit. Tyra has made it known that in the 'business of the beautiful', race can be a burden. So Ill say this both knowledgeable and appreciative of all you've done for women of color, Ms. Banks...

Beauty is in the features of the face, not the color of the race.
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I was born of an African American  mother about 6 shades lighter than any of her 6 children. And bred into a vast family that made game out of that fact. I learned early on that love is color blind and people just fall into its shadow.

Is your mother white?, they asked.
How can your mother be white and you're black?

Cousins- cant live with them and hope you never have to.

Regardless of the distant family, my immediate family made sure I experienced a childhood soon to be missed. But growing up means having to grow out of plenty.

 I went through my Junior High years with a head of homegrown, thick medium length hair and surrounded mostly by Puerto Ricans. For them, being that I was black, my hair had to be fake. Students would spend 30 seconds of their lunch period touching" my hair. Seeking proof of the unimaginable, I guess. Even with me feeling like a house cat to whoever wanted to pet me, the rumor stuck. It still sticks to any black woman with enough hair follicle atop her head to sport a bun or catch the wind. But if you're smart, you know synthetic hair didn't start with black women and it most certainly does not end with us.




The school uniform wrapped in fairer skin got more hormones dumped on it than any thing I wore. Me and my kinswoman. Don't get me wrong! This wasn't 1942 or anything. It was just undeniable segregation within diverse adolescent attraction, stemming from a preset mentality, advertised by media. A media where the only B worth a poster pin up was blond. Of course if I had grown up in a more African American populated region, then YES, things would have been different for me. But I'm a Bronx Baby, not a Brooklynite and damn proud of it!

Racism is a 26049483735 way street. And I have had the outsider inside experience from my own 1028384849 . If I was ever too dark on the outside to gain the appeal of my elementary school crush (who is now gay by the way lol) I was most definitely too dark on the inside through my High School years.

Gruesome
Obstacles
Tatter
Hearts

I had no idea what is was called at the time. I wasn't aware that developing certain character traits put one under a label. I wasn't trying to fit into a fad. I hadn't just watched a movie that sparked the rebel in me. There was no group of kids in any of the schools I attended who I became drawn to, pressured by or wrote angst poetry with. I was just being myself.

Take away the private off topic tribulations I went through during those years that I wont share with you; and you're left with a pale faced, bronzed bod, black eyeliner sporting, big hair dressing, dark lipstick wearing, please let daddy allow me to buy more black clothes, 15 year old girl.

Tormented is a modest description of what I went through. Most importantly, I didn't wish I was white either. Words hurt but bullets kill. If you're reading this and bully ANYONE who looks different from you, whether those differences are applied in the morning or set at birth; take my advice and the proof that stands behind us etched on the walls at Columbine High School; don't push them over the edge.

But all this was years ago, so whats new? This year my boyfriend got caught up in a Ps3 conversation via headset while playing the game of last year, this year and next year, Call Of Duty. A country boy no older than 14 asked what race his teammates were. No one responded black, so he was happy, I reckon. I however, wasn't when this boy said the following...

"White is the way to go."
"I cant stand black people."

My boyfriend (who is Puerto Rican) responded with, Hey! My woman is black. After that this country racist boy no older than 14 said this...

"No offense, but does she smell funny?"

O_O

Racist enough for ya? Whats so disgusting is how these kids are being raised into this mentality during a day an age that most see as the polar opposite of the yesteryears. Racism will never die. That's something we have to come to terms with. Its something I'm cool with and can appreciate in my own twisted form of self psychiatry.

Without hate love would be unidentifiable.

Spinach? No! Mac and cheese? Yes! xD

Watch the news lately?


_________________________________

Back to the unfathomable-

Obama won by a landslide. America wants what it wants. =) As Mccain gave his speech after the news, the boos that escalated through the crowd whenever Obama was mentioned reeked ever so slightly of racism. I know it and Mccain knew it. A quote from the man himself solidifies the truth...

This is a historic election... and I recognize the special significance it has for African Americans. - John Mccain

Ive never been into politics. I never voted before Election 08. And no, I'm not one of those people who picked the guy who is the same color as I am... I'm still in shock that was even an option by the way! lol I watched the debates thanks to my brother controlling the remote every so often these past months. And WITHOUT the color of skin being a highly presumable deciding factor during the election; if Obama were not black but had the same credentials, he still would have won. Why? 2 un-debatable reasons.

1. Mccains age.
2. Mccains Bush association.

^anyone who believes otherwise, good for you!

I'm not writing this to argue politics, so please don't go there. And if any of you racist ass holes are reading this, just keep your fingers crossed long enough and maybe Obama will end up like Martin Luther King? ;)
___________________________________

The reason for me stumbling upon such an uplifting chain of events is due to one of the greatest bands in the world, My Chemical Romance. A band who has represented and been the underdog from the start of their careers turned out to be awesome enough to decide on covering a song by Bob Dylan.

 My Chemical Romance has always been unique in their own unforgiving style that millions have come to adore. If you call yourself a fan or are as obsessed as the highly afflicted MCRmy soldier, the smallest little detail pertaining to the band will grab you by the eye lids as you soak it all in. When we found out the band was covering the song Desolation Row (originally by Bob Dylan) which will feature in the movie "Watchmen", some of us took it and left it as that. But for me, it was a different story.

The day right after I heard the news, I couldn't sleep (as usual) and found myself watching PBS in the wee hours of the morning. Whatever was on the television was black and white and Ive always had a love for those types of anythings...  movies,  pictures, oreos, couples. LOL




It was an infomercial for one of Bob Dylan's classic c.d/d.v.d collections . Fate, are you there? O_O lol If you know the man by name, face, song, legend,  then you're aware of what Ive already implied here. He is brilliant! The documentary basically summed up a large portion of this mans work as protest music, revolutionary and a civil rights expression for blacks specifically and the plain persecuted.
                   
But before I taking heed to that great piece of biographical information; I as a poet was drawn into his sung word. His voice isn't anything to throw your panties at but it did grab me like a claw reaching for a rack of meat. I became a bit mesmerized. Very much impressed and undoubtedly a fan. With a bit of research on my end and more reasons to love this man thrown at my ear drums through every valuable find discovered over my speakers, I salute Bob Dylan. A man who deserves as much acknowledgment as any of the more obvious and modern day contributors of Obama's win. Almost the same as the usual run of household names that are pounded into the brains of the juvenile African Americana.

I'm sure there are even more unsung heroes who have gone unmentioned in the African American History books and classes but Bob Dylan to this day has proven worthy of outstanding acknowledgment. Click HERE to see why. As alone as I now feel in my discovery, turns out I'm not. I found this old article on the net. An article posted SPECIFICALLY to draw awareness to why Bob Dylan matters in African America culture.  Please read it. Black or not, it will touch you. Click HERE to be 'touched'. If you have the time, look up the songs mentioned within, along with their lyrics to fully understand the reason behind a sudden appreciation that came from an ex nonvoter and atheist on many faiths.       

No. I have never felt all white people had it out for black people. I have always deciphered others based on their personalities. That's me doing unto others as I would have them do unto me. ;) Then there is the 'racial reflex' we all succumb to.

Me myself, being raised in a religion that taught me Gods law is above mans had big persuasions in my apathy towards politics, both for 2008 and for the 6 years Ive been old enough to vote but chose not to. Color had nothing to do with it. Preset notions about the white man (later moving into a more generalized term) and becoming 'the man' (thanks to hatred having no color limit) have tainted trust among a nation so diverse. We have all fallen accuser, motivated by different kinds of stereotyping. Whether you were the woman clenching to her purse in the elevator after a colored man stepped on; or if you were the guy who questioned dating a colored woman because she may "smell funny". Am I being too vague? 'Smell funny' as in not having good vaginal hygiene. Yup! Ive been in these conversations with a few guys who were not black, and it seems to be the word on the street that black women 'smell funny'. I smell fine all over by the way! xD Or how about the guy who refused to share his dorm room with a homosexual? Whatever your hate mind crime, get over it. Be safe, of course. Just embrace without the subject of race.
__________________________

 I think its fair to say that during Bobs time, he was referred to as a 'nigger lover' for just being humane. Sad but true. He sparked influence, hope and lowered a rope to the blacks beneath justice, with intentions of lifting society out of a slump of segregation and ignorance the best way he could. He incorporated the color rivalry on the wind of song as on lookers 'faced the music'.                  

I think we all have prejudged one another here and there based on outside appearance. Hair, color, clothes, makeup. The shell we evaluate thanks to sheer vision and subconscious mental reflex. Not on purpose but by ancestral habit. Our history stinks of racism, hate and much hurt and the past cannot be erased. If you're aware of American history and did not choose sides on the battlefields of racism, slavery, segregation and diversity, then you at least have been intrigued to ask, "Why?" Either way, old history never dies and old habits die hard.       



_______________________________

I inherited 'ancestral habit' from my grandmother. Not that it's all her fault for being a product of the slavery era. I haven't spoken to her in a while but if I one day wrote her a letter it would most likely be inspired by the 2008 election and it would say this...

Dear grandma,
 
                      Not every white person is rich, grandma, Not every white person hates us, grandma. Not every white person is the devil. You're beautiful.

Sincerely,  your granddaughter.
___________________________________

It hurt me deeper than deep to find that I along with my peers were denied the story of Bob Dylan in African American Revolution during our school years. So I'm happy as hell Mcr caught me up! xD The color of our skin had somehow ruled out the possibility that a white person, could have done what he did back when it was fashionable to own a negro. That mentality still exists among all cultures and it has to be thrown away. But still... to each his own turmoil. But for my race in particular, I am appreciatively and ecstatically relieved to say...while we were seen as inferior in the eyes of one type of mans man made image of God, there was Bob Dylan; shining immensely towards a beginning to an end that was foreseen as dead. Through adversity and what seemed an inevitable attempt, the time has come. The chain has reaction. 'Yes we did.'

In a world where we may not necessarily be judged  by the color of our skin but are wounded by it, due to conflict of interaction fueled by an inherited 'ancestral habit'; the love which beamed from one mans pen to his guitar and then harmonica, please acknowledge him for believing when it WAS just a dream. If you ever thought a ray of light was nonexistent between the darkest pages of Americas segregated hate, think again & take a listen.


____________________________

While hatred of the colorful kind may be an irreversible process for some. The chain of pre-hatred needs to be broken. Difference in color needs to stop serving as an excuse for people  not to get along. If you're going to hate someone, let it be for a GOOD bad reason. lol

For anyone who voted and sincerely can say that the idea of race NEVER crossed your mind, sorry for wasting your time. You're a special breed and I can only hope everyone will one day be as inwardly perceptive as you.       

I too once saw this race as what everyone should have and should if ever again confronted with a presidential candidate of multi-cultural descent... just 2 men who want to be President. It wasn't until I saw with my own eyes and heard with my own ears of Bob Dylan; a man who chose not to be like most of his white peers; in a time when "black was the color and none was the number", that I saw one stereotype in particular smashed to pieces and laid out like bits of sweet candy.

I am so little and cant do much. But here I am telling a story and there I was casting my vote. Thank you My Chemical Romance. Thank you Bob Dylan. Thank you Barack Obama for not letting the color of your skin wound you, your aspirations, your visions and your strength.. And thank YOU for reading.

p.s Yes, I am a fan of yet another white musician. You can call me a wigger all you like. ;) I'll love you regardless.

I'm a whore. I'm a stripper. xD Hooray!!! xD

Okay folks. I'm fed up! =) It's no secret that I have a body worth a penthouse purposal or 2. Apparently these endowments of mine are reason enough for my mother to constantly insult me. If when I dance, you stop me to take me in a corner and ask if I'm a stripper ... FUCK YOU. If everytime I DON'T wear jeans and sport shorts instead and you ask me why I'm not getting fat one day, then  tell me I am fat the next day; while putting yourself down cuz you're overweight, I start to sense some envy. Thanks mom! F.Y.I people, it's fucking hot as shit today! I guess because I have more sex appeal than your average strut walker, I should dress warm in warm weather?!! And why? Because I LOOK like a stripper, whore, porno star. Fuck off!

This has been going on for years people. Even before the curves set up camp. My mom would tell me she hated me after complimenting me. At first it seemed sweet in an confident boosting way. But when it gets to the point where I feel bad for being in my own skin due to your disfomfort, mother, it has to stop. 

I learned something today! =D Having an attention grabbing body you don't use for supplying cash to count makes it hurt even more when someone refers to you as a whore. I guess what my mom does is backwards bullying... Either way I'd get shit. So which corner do you guys think I should stand on? xD

I guess in a way I sound like the lucky bitch who has nothing to complain about! lol Have your mom say such a thing to you and let me know how you'd feel, eh? I feel that heavier women should not be ashamed of themselves... commercial or not. I don't take pride in my body. I take pride in how I am not miserably manipulated into resenting it due to Victorias legendary Secret. Comprende?

I am the last person to praise herself on anything physical. I fucking hate conceited bitches! I dealt with them growing up. I see them everyday right before I have a strangulation daydream... or 2! lol I've dealt with wishing I was someone else just to get the guy I wanted. All growing girls do at one point or another. I'm a grown woman now so DON'T FUCKING CATEGORIZE ME, MOTHER! How fucking rude can you be?! I am tired of people judging others by their covers.

I haven't worn a skirt in 12 years. Tom boy alert! Even if I did, I guess the thigh I have to expose should make me anti-skirt?! WTF! I don't intentionally try to draw sexual attention to myself in public. I save that for the privacy of my bedroom and boyfriend of SEVEN years, mother! Let me be more specifc for whoever the hell is reading this...

I went out tonight with a pal of mine. We've known eachother for 10 years. Due to the heat I wore shorts with tights. Don't get me wrong. I have a very dark cool style when I'm not feeling 'sweat pants lazy'. The tights were ALMOST fishnet and black. Shorts? Black. Everything was BLACK. Duh! I ran into my mom and she gave me a look that call for me to remind her that she's seen the outfit before so she should RELAX. I get back and she asks me, "Why does ???? look like he's trying to pimp you?" =O!!!!!!!!!

^If I had a pic I'd show you guys.

BUT ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? Mental slap for you mom! =D Mental slap? Wow, I've gotten better!! ;)

If skinny girls can dress according to the weather, so can the bigger girls. I don't give a shit if you're a size 2 or 20!

That's another thing! The other day I was watching this exercise infomercial (nothing else on and couldn't sleep) and this chick goes on about how she lost so much weight, how her thighs used to rub together and now she's NOT  plus size anymore, has a portfolio and can get into modeling. =D Fuck you bitch! I am tired of thick girls being put down because of the conformist cunts in today's media. Eat what the fuck you want when you want JUST BE HEALTHY and happy with yourself. I've been told countless times I should get into modeling but am reluctant to lead a life consumed by vanity. Truth hurts if you're sensitive enough. And the truth is that IF I ever did model it WOULD be as a plus size model. THAT little bit of outcast fact is the only reason I would even consider it. Anyone know of any Goth modeling agencies? THAT I would fucking do!

If you're a good cook like me and not 'Ms. America molded', then *high fucking five*.  I'm not gonna be uncomfortable in the summertime just to spare myself a few looks. Complimentary or insulting! My boyfriends take on the 'girlfriend dress code'? "Guys look at you when you dress baggy regardless."  YOU HEAR THAT MOM?! Truth is that I DON'T dress as risky as it sounds. Trust me! I'm the provocative conservative female. ;) Sexy trumps slutty and don't you bitches forget it.


I was over the 'chest flaunting' by 16. Never been into the outty booty. I'm 24 now and just won't wear certain things cuz I think it's too much out there. But I'm also entitled to put the same tad bit out that every other chick in 90 degree weather is. Yeah it can get gross and even nauseating at times lol BUT THEY DON'T TORTURE THEMSELVES IN THE HEAT BY LAYERING THEIR BODIES because someone might 'SAY' something. Who the fuck cares anyway?! How does the song go? O ya!

Let's give em something to talk about...

You guys should hear me when I'm in clothing stores. I should totally tape myself shopping and upload it! If it isn't too small then it's practically invisible to the naked eye... or just for people who'd rather be naked anyway. And IF you can even make out what the hell someone called themselves SEWING, it's fruity, colorful, barf! No offense to anyone. =)

Me Shopping-

Ew...
No!
Next.
Who would wear that?!
OMG is that a shirt!??
Look honey, it's sleeze 'r' us! =)
Is this supposed to fit someone?? o_O
Barbie must have forgot her wardrobe. =O

I've gone on enough and seriously can't take anymore, mother! I'm not fat. I'm not a whore. Not a stripper. I'm just ME! And there are too many times when I don't even wanna look at myself. Low self esteem? It's a bitch...

You guys love me, right? =(

*sigh* If you're not the 'height appropriate weight', proud of it and reading this, love yourself and know you're beautiful. Don't let anyone make you feel you should be ashamed in your comfort zone.

" Hey girls, you're beautiful. Don't look at those stupid magazines with sticklike models. Eat healthy and exercise. That's all. Don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough. You are good enough, you are too good. Love your family with all your heart and listen to it. You are gorgeous,  whether you're a size 3 or size 14. It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, as long as you're a good person, as long as you respect others. I know it's been told hundreds of times before, but it's true. Hey girls, you are beautiful. "- Gerard Way

O and mom, people may get impressions of the person I am cuz of the body I have but they...



I'M NOT A WHORE!!


p.s My current weight is 170. And? -_-

I'm watching the WWe Wrestling Hall Of Fame Induction on t.v... these guys are a bunch of big softies. Tears galore... and justified too. *sigh* I love wrestling...

Rocky Johnson
Peter Maivia
Ric Flair

...just to name a few. Of course my darling love is present to induct his father and grandfather...




Wow... I think they're going into overtime. That 'nature boy'.. lol he's always been a talker.

Who do I miss in the ring?

Mick Foley


Eddie Guerrero- R.I.P


Stone Cold

Chyna

Matt Hardy... where are you, babe?

Hulk Hogan
<img src="http://img.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/3/0/2/1/

*cracks knuckles*

Okay, take away the fact that I was raised to not celebrate the Holidays and I still hate them. Well, some more than others. Here we go...

Birthdays? O great! It's that day of the year again. Cake, friends, smiles and forced false hope. If you've lost your job, lost a few family members, a pet and everything in between, do we order chocolate cake or custard? Don't worry though! You can get anything you want as long as your loved ones can afford it. LOL  It's great that people get in the habit of celebrating life, but there are too many symbols accompanied with the event in itself that can and will make or break the Birthday boy, girl or undecided. *sigh* Hooray for whoever can have their own m.t.v funded party every year! But there are those who can only celebrate the mere fact that they're "not dead yet." I raise my glass to you! Happy fucking 'still here' day. ;) I never had a sweet 16. Think it would be too weird to have a sweet 32? Band of choice? My Chemical Romance of course. ;)



^How yummy is black frosting? I've never had. =(
____________________________________________________

Christmas?! Jesus' Birthday! ... Jesus' Birthday? not gonna go there... Of course the spirit of giving rather than receiving warms my heart. The fact that there are those (like myself) who give ALL year every year are being put on trial every year sickens me. It’s like, “Honey, I love you but I don’t ‘Ps3 love you’. LOL The fact that people can get away with being total ass holes to each other on the other 364 days of the year is what really "grinds my gears". Seriously! Is it so hard to be nice, considerate and do unto others as you would have done unto you if it's NOT X-Mas time? Grow the fuck up and grump the hell down, people! This is coming from a New Yorker by the way. A 'thankyou' and 'you're welcome' is  almost as hard to come by as a Manhattan taxi cab. lol  Good will to all men starts December 24 12:01 a.m and ends December 26th 12:01a.m. It's December 25th, 8 a.m... do you know where the presents are?


__________________________

Let me take a break and be a good sport, shall I?!


^How cool is it that someone carved that?! Jack from the Nightmare Before Christmas. A Holiday tradition I took up is watching the movie every Christmas Eve. YES, I can get into the spirit of things.... more for my loved ones than myself. I love that movie. O and Halloween aint bad either. ;)
_________________________________

Valentines Day! He loves me, he loves me not. He loved that other girl once or twice but that was only for a half hour or so! lol Out of all the Holidays, Valentines is the most nauseating. All it takes is a box of chocolates, a few dying carnations (roses if you're lucky) an I love you card and that invisible boyfriend who delivers your box from Tiffany's with a note that reads, "Every girl that gets one of these is more loved than you." Can money really buy love?! The physical abuse some women go through doesn't matter on Valentines Day. The black eyes lighten. The cracked ribs heal and the tears taste like candy! The times you caught him cheating are also irrelevant as long as he's with you on Valentines Day. -_- But enough about the bad guys...

What about the great guys who can't exactly 'come through' during the most loving commercial time of year? What about him?! What about the time he waited at the drive through when you wanted some late night MickeyDees... while it was raining... WITHOUT A CAR! What about the times he gets you maxi pads, chocolate and Advil at a PUBLIC store and gets every other couple on line arguing about their relationship? lol What about the times he risks a few store clerks pegging him as gay when he picks up your make up, nail polish or lip liner? ..yeah, all those are from my personal Library of Love. ;)

If a man screams I love you from the highest mountain and Cupid isn't around to hear it does he make a sound? Ya damn right it does! But still... the thought of not getting at least 1 Hershey’s kiss on V-Day can have you and yours arguing until St. Patrick’s Day. *shrugs*

 *sigh* Valentines Day. The day for lovers to be loved and love to be rendered meaningless. But who cares! My card is from Hallmark baby! -_-

All hail the little naked guy who can fly up to our windows and nail us right on the ass. lol The perverted mascot will always be the cutest! Love sells out on February 14th... be sure to get some while supplies last. ;)

O and for those who have no one on Love Day, I encourage you to please, please, buy your own cuddly wuddly... and kill it... -_-



p.s Yes, the Hoildays are more for putting aside our differences and giving that alter false reality a try but there are some things I will always be at odds with. Don't bitch at me. I'm not in the mood...

It seems I owe my friends an apology. By 'friends' I mean every person who has made an attempt to know me. I owe you an explanation...

I live in New York. Home of the hip and land of the rage. My main friends and associates consist of the urban forte. I’ve always been a bit of a free spirit and can take a liking to nearly anything. My Chemical Romance happens to be one of them. When I first fell in love with the band I had no one to share my admiration with. Here and there I found fans and listeners but no one as fascinated as me.

Then I found buzznet. I ran into the unexpected. I thought people who went through the ordeal of signing up as an internet fan had the same aspects of fan representation I did... I was wrong. But I liked it. I embraced it. I enjoy it. I LOVE meeting people outside of my ‘no zone’. It takes some adapting to, but the more we see through our differences the more we know we’re  becoming good  friends. Plus, “I think it’s better when people just get along.”

I never have (or maybe even make the time) to set up anything about myself outside of my MCR support. I always felt it was none of your business! Lol But that’s gonna change... A LITTLE. With a site based on who's who and who's not hot, the name “buzznet” is intimidating all on it’s own. So if you have under 100 buzzes, know we’ve all been there and you’ll always be a buzznet babe to me. ;)  

My decision to embrace my love for MCR with my combination of forum obsession OVER associating outside of the forum has overwhelmed a few people. I should be making more of an effort to indulge friends without MCR as the topic of discussion. People should not be thinking that just because I present an opposing opinion on the Mcr forums, that I am opposed to them. Just because someone has a different opinion does not mean it is a declaration of war.The band was the only reason I joined buzznet.  Hardly getting computer time makes it hard as well. I’m always thinking of you guys and I’m sorry I can’t always be the friend I could.

So please, if I owe you a journal look over, a picture browsing or whatever, leave a comment here. I promise you that I love more than who is presented in my top 12. And I’m sorry for neglecting you so. I remember names. Maybe not so many faces.

So what’s so 'Dark Goddess' about my habit? Life has taught me that the ones who convince you you’re loved  can hurt you the most. I became cut off from the concept of the ‘friend bracelet’. Goth is my middle name’s middle name. Aside from the people who have added me because I’m hot or just another add to pimp their page, I have based my linkage to people on how much we have in common on Mcr terms. Every fan does it. But I am tired of people implying that I am some cause of the “herd mentality”. They may not mean me directly. Maybe just my breed of fan. I am tired of being perceived as an Mcr General. I never ask people to agree with me. It just happens. There was a time when the MCRmy soldiers resembling my MCRmor gave up on the forums... my place of zen. So yes, I am sorry for sticking it out and making anyone feel intimidated as a fan but I can’t help how I am as a fan. It’s natural for me.  But still, I feel obligated to take responsibility for where I made the wrong turn. I have never been about the ‘clique trip’ that gets people through the day. I have always been alone and learned to feign for seclusion over socialization.

I never go to anyone’s ‘About Me’ page. It happens on RARE occasion. But I only neglected deeper investigation of character because I don’t care. It’s a good thing and a bad. I shouldn’t cherish some more than others because of Mcr. But hey, I signed up as a fan and I’ll go out as a fan.

In closing, I love everyone. The ‘internet friend list’ may be stroking to our egos but I’m just one of those people who can get along just fine with a mere 5 listed friends over 500. I don’t like attention unless I command it. So if you’re reading this, thank you! If not, then no biggie.

I’d rather have a few people love me and know it means something than a million and feel nothing.


*kisses and shit*


^ I made that ages ago on IMVU. But I never went back after being cyber raped!! IT WAS AWFUL! LMAO

...according to frontman, Gerard Way they have been declared dead since August 23, 2006.



"Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead."- line from Famous Last Words.

My Chemical Romance's Alter Ego

August 24, 2006

The Black Parade wasn't just the name the band chose for their forthcoming album -- it was also their alias when they played London yesterday.

Their legions of fans ain't mad at them. Here's what they're saying:

"O my gosh! You guys were GLORIOUS at Hammersmith last night! Love the new stuff, the new look too Gee! You were DIVINE! Hope you had as much of a grand time as I did! Love Love Love!" -- Amy

"The show last night fuckin' rocked! We even joined in the the Black Parade procession! I luv the new look!" -- Poison_Rebel

"MCR ROCK FOR ETERNITY! and The Black Parade ;)" -- give me all your poison

"That gig last night AWESOME! You guys rocked, and I loved every second of it! Now it all makes sense, those freaky people all in black with no face that walked past the queue, they were the Black Parade! All of you that went will know what I'm on about! And The Black Parade, for those of you who don't know, is the name of their new album! It's about a man (a patient in hospital) that dies and the only memory he has left is of his father when they were at a Parade (Black=death at a Parade). You see it all makes sense now! -- *Uber rad, and Awesome and now even ACER!!*

"Thanks for the LEGENDARY gig last night. Loved the new music, it sounds sooo different from all your other material, much more groundbreaking and heavier. It was really great to meet you all too -- BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE EVER!" -- Fat Boy

Here is the link...

http://www.spin.com/features/everybodystalkingabout/2006/08/060824_mychemicalromance/

There is the off chance that some of you may have taken Gerard's words for granted. Maybe you didn't take these word as literal as you should have.




"This was a really difficult record to make," Way explained during the video's interview portion, during which questions appear on a black background to the sound of beeps from hospital machines. "And there was a certain point where it was so dark for us that it felt like we needed to become much more than brothers. We had to be there for each other in many more ways and we also needed to become a new band. Normally, a band says that every time they make a record, in some ways, they become a new band. But we really did it this time, and became a different band. Make no mistake — we are My Chemical Romance still. It's just our alter ego for this record.", Gerard Way.

"I feel that the thing about My Chemical Romance is that every time they make a record, they jump very far ahead," said the singer, curiously referring to his band in the third person. "It's almost as if we got into a time machine and made the sixth or seventh record. The Black Parade is an epic, theatrical, orchestral, big record that is also a concept album that has a very set story in it," he continued. "But also, as you listen to the album, the layers of that story peel away, and what you're left with in the end is a story about mortality.", Gerard Way.

"We've gotten to a point as a band where we feel we could stop holding back a little bit," Way elaborated, saying the boys were "encouraged by Rob Cavallo to do whatever we wanted. It's a record that's so full of life, so risky, daring, fun. It makes you laugh, it makes you cry." According to Way, "Welcome to the Black Parade" is "the one song that sums up the sound for the record, and all the risk we took jammed into one mini epic." But, he promised that the Parade "still retains everything that made us special.", Gerard Way.



There are a concerned few of you who have taken it upon yourselves to make  this band out to be hypocritical liars of the 6th kind. Claiming that the Gerard Way quotes of anti-discriminatory value have been contradicted. There is no hypocrisy in the upper confessions. There is no contradiction of an all respecting band. There is the truth. Gerard Way alerted his public to the differences to come. Touring with bands such as Mindless Self Indulgence was never the start of sinful separation. It was the start of My Chemical Romance playing in defense of the genre. Say Anything's new album released October 23, 2007.




The double disc album where Gerard has a message for all of you posers, haters and MCRmy destroyers. I suggest you have a listen. ;) Gerard is featured on this album and I am definitely picking one up.

http://www.buzznet.com/tags/mychemicalromance/forum/topics/154891/#freplies

And for those of you lacking much needed My Chem information-

"We are very much anti-sexism, anti-racism, anti-homophobia, and  there has been some of that stuff we're against in the past. We were hoping in gaining power by being on Warped this year--that we could maybe, in some way, change that a little bit. [We want to talk to] the kind of band that wouldn’t want to be around a band like ours."-Gerard Way

^My Chemical Romance have been looking to perform among the 'MCR Opposite' since album 1. Long before any MSI ties.

Now, if you still want to scream in the face of Gerard's right to reshape his band for one album...




If you still find Gerard Way to be an egotictical, absent minded, unstable, predator prowling on his own public with something to hide...



If you still are going to attempt to confuse and break the spirit of the MCRmy...

"Disavowed! DISAVOWED crowd shut your know how.", a line from the not yet released single "In Defense of The Genre.", by Say Anything featuring Gerard Way.

I invite any one who reads this and enjoyed it; anyone who understands the beauty in freedom of expression; anyone who will love MCR until kingdom come; anyone who wasn't misled by corruptive manipulations; anyone who now understands that all your worry and hate was just one big misunderstanding to join me in the one My Chem salute that will never die...



I love you too!:) ...and just like Gerard Way, "I am very much into acceptance.";)

Now if you're wondering why you are still confused. Maybe I can help with that.

The Black Parade (the band that overcame)


Versus

 My Chemical Romance (the band that had to overcome)



Simple. 2 separate bands with 2 separate agendas within themselves. Is this a reason for war to break out among the MCRmy? Should they be ashamed of their accomplishments?



No. The best thing about this band is that no matter what has happened they stay true to themselves. What I thought to be the best thing about the MCRmy is our ability to co-exist... apparently that strength must be summoned through new sounds and new priorities. Yes, it sucks that you may feel like you are playing follow the leader behind a band of many contributional talents and if that offends you then please walk away respectfully and appreciative of what they have given you thus far.



Whether they happen to lose members, fans or sales. They are still them and that's all they should ever have to be.


Long live the MCRmy and long live Gerard, Mikey, Frank, Bob, Ray, Matt and Matt.
 
The Black Parade is a fuck you to the public. The public that condemns the band to create as they please. A fuck you to our own selfish wishes of band persona limitations. They are free to be as they may. Just as we are free to not come along for the ride. They care enough for their fans to hold our hands as we walk through the Valley Of The Shadow Of Chem. They are free to be people...

And we carry on through our fears
Ooh oh oh
Disapointed faces of your peers
Ooh oh oh
Take a look at me cause I could not care at all
Do or Die
You'll never make me, because the world, will never take my heart.
You can try, you'll never break me.
Want it all, I'm gonna play this part.
I won't explain or say I'm sorry
I'm not ashamed, I'm gonna show my scars.
You're the chair for all the broken
Listen here because it's only,
I'm just a man
I'm not a hero
I'm just a boy who's meant to sing this song
I'm just a man, I'm not a hero
Just a man,
I'm not a hero
I... don't... CARE
We'll carry on -From Welcome To The Black Parade




Now it's obvious we somehow may have gotten lost between what is written for sake of song and what is written of heart. Secret message or morse code, what fell on deaf ears? Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Frank Iero, Ray toro and Bob are free and clear of guilty conscience.

"We are the Black Parade!", Gerard Way.

When performing during the Black Parade tour Gerard has repeatedly made comments such as...

"You guys know that band called My Chemical Romance? Those guys suck.", when performing songs from the Black Parade album.

"The Black Parade is going away for a while. They went back home to England.", before performing songs from previous albums.

How well were you listening?  How much did we miss? Either way you put it, this band is very alive in my heart and I thank them for that.



“Making this record was like somebody holding a gun at this band and we were just laughing at it. We lost our fear because we felt that no matter what — if we were destroyed or killed, or if somebody did pull that trigger on us — we’d only become stronger. Somehow we’d become more powerful!”-Gerard Way

I'm actually glad when people cheapen what we do, when it become another cliche of 'the scene' it forces you to become more direct. The first song on the new record — ‘The End’ — is the end. We're resigning from the scene; we're not part of what you wanted . We're gonna be what we want to be. -Gerard Way

I want you to do yourselves a favor. Take everything you have read here into consideration. Then put on the Black Parade album. You will hear it. ...do you hear it?

Author notes

I wrote this for Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance. He gave me the courage to say whatever the hell I want. So like it! This was also inspired by the style of the "I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love" album.

May 10, 2006 
© All rights reserved
_____________________________________________

 Art is art, can reach the parts that remind us how glorious or destructive imagination can be.

The only way to see Gerard was to purchase a ticket for 3 dollars. The 3 dollars got you the comic book and a guaranteed signing.



THE GOLDEN TICKET^ This is my ONLY hardcore MCR bud where I'm from he took my boyfriends ticket since my boyfriend knew how much he was DYING to meet him.

The store was Forbidden Planet in Manhattan. They sell comics. Action figures. Cool store. I've been before. So I get there and...



^THE LINE... AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

The signing was set for 4-6 and I got there at 4:30. A short time after waiting someone makes me NOT the last person on line anymore! YAAAY! She starts talking to us.

Me- "How is he going to get out of here by 6 with all these people?"
Lady- "I asked the people inside and he's going to see everyone that's waiting online.
Me- So 6 o'clock is out of the question. He's going to say until it's done?
Lady- Yeah.
Me- AWWWWWWWWWWWW! That's so sweet...
Lady- I know. Lyn-Z was out here earlier taking pictures of the fans. She's a sweet heart. I love her...
Me- Really?
Lady- Yeah.


I'm still not sure if that "really" was directed towards the Lyn-Z being there or the lady liking Lyn-Z. lol Either way I never saw her my whole time there.

She pointed out a wall that fans had written Gerard/mcr comments on but by the time I got my cam out it was covered in "line backers". ..sorry.

All of a sudden this guy starts marching aside the line SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS, "LOSERS! LOSERS! LOSERS! LOSERS! All the while he had the L shape on his forehead. He did it all the way till he was past the line. I was beyond shocked and pissed I didn't have my camera out for it.

So I'm there and standing. My boyfriend is taking pics...



^Me, Happy on line!

After a while it got annoying so...



...please...no pictures. lol

I started to notice after a while that I was the only black person on line. LMAO O God. It was all like, "Okay, NOW I feel weird." lol I think I was the only one dressed in ALL black too. Hmmmm...

But what did I get for just standing there?

Some RANDOM guy came up to me and my boyfriend and handed us this.^ Me and my boyfriend were arguing over who gets it. I wanted Gerard to sign it but I forgot it when I got in. :( So I gave it to my man. lol He likes this kinda stuff anyway. I got it and was all like, "Thanks for the expensive thing I don't want."LMAO This is for sale in the store. I asked the cashier if Gerard had told them to give it to a random fan but no.=( O well. All hail Gandalf!!

So I noticed the majority of people there were teenage girls. It kinda bummed me out because I was expecting a wider variety of people but I wasn't there for the entire event so I dunno. Anyway, someone in front of me goes, "Think he'll sign my shirt?" Don't know why that pissed me off... I got a rush of, "don't smack the bitch" and "someone smack the bitch" at the SAME time. lol

My boyfriend went into the store. Yeah, they let people go in the store to buy stuff so you could have tried sneaking a peak. After I got in, I noticed a few people had made a whole afternoon out of it. lol Even me after I met Gerard...but only for a few minutes. My boyfriend  kept going off and telling me that he saw him/his head and some big motherfucker...WORM! lol Then my boyfriend makes me laugh by saying, " I can take him!" LOL He said, "Just go in and kiss Gerard and I'll hold the big guy down." LMAO I'm all like, "YEAH! OKAY...(being sarcastic)

Hyper and impossible to be bored by now, my friend comes by. He didn't have a ticket and somehow my boyfriend let him have his. I was happy for my buddy :D...but sad my boyfriend didn't get to see Gerard. He was all like, "No. Its cool... You 2 really want to see him. You're the bigger fans. (keep in mind my boyfriend was the one who went and got the tickets the day before and we had said we would go in together but w/e)

My bud showed up by then and I had someone of MUTUAL nerve jitters to talk to. lol They were letting people in 6 or 7 at a time. When a group went in, one person would meet Gerard as the others waited their turn in the aisles. They maneuvered furniture as to make a barricade around Gerard, so it was hard to see him BEFORE you got your chance ESPECIALLY since Worm was blocking the exposed side of Gerard.

"I SAW IT FIRST!!!!"

Yeah, so this will probably be all over the net but I have it NOW!



^Scott Allie. Editor for Dark Horse.

Believe it or not I was close enough to hear the convo. LOL

Let's see what do I remember? It was weird because the he kept looking at me even when I wasn't trying to eaves drop. LOL

Scott Allie- He came to me with the idea and I thought it was awesome. I never really heard of the band before...

Sorry guys, if I try to remember anymore it would be scattered thoughts.

"DOWNER TIME"

My boyfriend had overheard one of the store workers and it went like this...

Stranger- What's the event about?

Worker- O that stupid singer from My Chemical Romance. His comic comes out today and he's giving signatures for the book...like it matters. I'm not worried about him. It's nothing that I'm interested in.
~

O_0 WHAT THE WHO THE WHY THE HUHHHH? FUCK YOU TOOOOOOOOOOO!! Do your job and shut the fuck up. Did he ASK for  your personal opinion??! Umm, yuhNOOO!

People started stopping in the streets and asking, "Who is everyone waiting for??" A lady in her car and in traffic even asked my boyfriend to come on over and quench her curiosity.lol

Okay, no one get mad here, okay? My boyfriend is a big joker and when he did sneak a peek of Gerard he would come back and mess with me and be all like, "DAMN!"

Me- What? =O

BF- Gerard has a BIG head. LMAO

O god it was funny and funny helps when your nervous. O and trust me my boyfriend is NOT one to talk. lol

My bud and I snapped each other with our cams. He told us how much he loved us and blah blah blah. Eventually and what seemed like an eternity we made it to the front. This is when I REALLY lost the cool I had done a good job keeping in the BACK of the line. LOL A few minutes before we go in, some random guys asks the 2 people in front of us who's inside. He told him and the guy goes, "Ozzy... OZZY is who you wait for." O_0 He walked off all high and mighty and I was bummed that I had THAT pleasant note to go on before I went in BUT fuck him! Gerard is the man. ;)

I have to say folks, Mcr hate is closer to Gerard than I thought. I really hope he's handling it okay. I mean the guy puts it all out there and people are openly talking smack less than 200 feet away from him?? *sigh*

About an hour of standing online, I was seconds away from meeting him. =) I'm called into the store. I had to wait in the aisle for my turn. One of the "blocking bullies" shouted to us, "NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY" I showed him my NO MYSPACE SIGN

Me-  "Not even for this?"=(

Blocking bully- NO. No photography of any kind.

O_0

He got me mad acting all big DAWG. grrrrrrr!

Me- I really need this picture for such and such...

*EVERYONE WAS WATCHING ME*

Blocking bully: Well, Gerard requested that there be no pictures so if everyone could just respect his wishes.

=O WTF? He made me out to be the bad guy!!! I maturely and calmly said...

Me- Well, if GERARD says no pictures then ofcourse.

I totally thought some of the store workers were just being assholes because about half of them weren't pleased with the busy day due to Gerard's presence. So that's why I fought to the bitter end. :)

They call me up because Gerard was sweet enough to meet everyone INDIVIDUALLY. :) I walk in and see Worm first standing aside the table that Gerard was seated at. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! OMG I shook. I trembled. I grinned like never before. LOL

Gerard: Hi. :)

Me: hi... :D

Gerard shook my hand. *his hands were sooooooo soft* lol

Gerard: How are you?

Me: Scared... LOL *I laughed*

Gerard pulls a comic from the side of the table and begins to write.

Gerard: What's your name? *as he looks at the comic*

Me- Gave him my name.

Gerard repeated it back to me. AHHHHHHHHHH!

HERE'S THE GOOD PART!! xD

As he was writing I waved my "I Do Not Have Myspace" sign at Worm. BECAUSE THEY SAID NO PICTURES:(... So I was signaling to worm as to say, pleeeeeeeeeaaase!

Worm: What's that for?? (HE SAID IT ALL GOOFY LIKE AND HAD A BIG OLE SMILE ON HIS FACE)

O worm's smaller in person...

I got kinda pissed at him for asking such a retard question but remained cute and afraid. LOL

Me- I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S FOR!!

Gerard: You know what? I've taken pictures like that before and it doesn't help.

*HE SPOKE SO CALMLY AND MAINTAINED EYE CONTACT WHENEVER HE SPOKE TO ME* ...WHICH DIDN'T HELP THE SHAKING. =(

Me- =0 I'm sorry... :(

*GERARD STILL WITH THE EYE CONTACT*

Gerard: No! No. It's sweet of you to do that. That's so sweet. You're so sweet.

O_0 AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

OKAY HERE IT COMES!!!

I place the folder on the table. I nudged it about 5 times in 3 seconds because I was so FRIGGIN nervous! lol

Me: I wrote something for you.:D

YES, EVERYTHING YOU ALL WANTED ME TO TELL HIM WAS IN THE FOLDER! ...so BREATHE.

Gerard: Really? Thank you. Wow. Thanks so much.

I LOVED HOW HE KEPT PEEKING AT IT LIKE HE WANTED TO READ IT THEN AND THERE!! He was reeally interested and I think I know why but I'll tell ya later...

STUPID WORM STARTED SIGNALING FOR ME TO EXIT! =(

I started walking out so Worm would stay happy.

I turned to leave.

Me- Promise me you'll read it.

I got caught in a bit of a shuffle since Gerard was still talking to me and Worm was still signaling for my exit.

Gerard- Definitely. I will. I will. I promise.

I HAD JUST REALIZED THAT I WAS WALKING AWAY FROM GERARD WAY! :( I SCREAMED AS I EXITED GERARD'S SIGNING AREA...

Me: BYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Gerard AND Worm: BYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEE!

It was so adorable. LOL How we both noticed we forgot to say bye and lost our manners. And how Worm, said bye as well. It was great and all but ultimately I felt like, "Dude...was I talking to you??" LMAO

Worm was ALL smiles the whole time. He's like a big Pillsburry Dough Man. LOL...seriously. Gerard was sweet, calm, cool and collective. I loved it. I was a bit bummed that I didn't get to make him laugh like I KNOW I could have if I wasn't trying to get the pictures. =( But o well, I promised I'd try for some of you and I did. :)

Promise me you guys won't stay too quiet if you meet him. There was this girl I saw before I went in and she was crying, I think. She had her head down. She kept hiding her face in her hands.  She kept saying over an over to her friend, "I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything." I felt so bad for her. You're not allowed back in after they take your ticket, so her chance was gone. *sniff sniff* I'm still a little misty.

RAVEN, TRIED BABE. I'm so sorry.

I walked out and had a bit of a teenie moment in public. LOL

OMG he shook my hand. He looks so REAL in person. He called me sweet...THREE TIMES IN A ROW!! xD




So ya. I stood around for a few trying to find where my heart dropped in the store. LOL They had him so blocked off I could only see Worm by then. ARRGGGGHHH! I wanted to see him one last time before I went but couldn't. :( RIGHT after my teenie tantrum I remembered the sign someone asked me to make so Gerard could show his support for the mcrmyphillipines. I TOTALLY SIDE SWIPED IT AFTER HAVING HAD POKED AROUND THE PIC THING WITH GERARD. I don't know if he would have agreed to it but they had the store workers make announcements OVER AND OVER, "NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY!!!" =(

*kisses* Sorry about the no pics thing. =(

O and somehow I think I forgot a piece of the convo because I was so nervous and it felt like we were talking forever. LOL I mean we must have if Worm had to signal more than once. lol xD


After leaving, the line was as long as when I was at the back of it. People without a ticket were waiting around. Maybe hoping to see him leave. I wanted my boyfriend to show Gerard some magic tricks. (my boyfriend is a magician) He has been told he's better than Criss Angel (who is more of a stunt man nowadays) He's done a few tricks for Michael Jackson who was also impressed while he was shopping at the magic store where my bf used to work. Michael bought about 200 thumb tips. lol He's had people give them their business cards. He's been asked to do shows. He can make money performing on the street or just when he's in the mood because people are so impressed. He sleeps with his cards in his hand.lol It drives me a little crazy. I'm kinda dating my OWN celebrity. lol There are times when I don't feel like having the world watch us and he'll pull out the cards and I'm all like, "Nooooooo. Stop it. They're gonna look and come over and...!" lol If Gerard had that kinda thing to remember me by I would have been unforgettable.;) O and what I gave him would have been at the top of the bundle he probably got. Although I did look for a pile of gifts and didn't see any. A woman way behind me on line had a black folder with his name on it and a fake red rose. But trust me when I say, he will read what I gave him. Why? I placed the papers in a clear/see through folder and the exposed page reads this...

"I'm quite self-confident," he says, "but the healthy dose of arrogance I have is blended with extreme self-consciousness. So when we're at meet'n'greets or signings, I hardly say two words to people. I'm very closed off because, after a gig, I feel like I've spilled my guts and if I meet people after that it's almost like they know something about me but I know nothing about them. And that's weird, an unfair trade.", Gerard Way.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...
~

Yeah, page 2 says hi and it goes on from there. Like I said before, he kept peeking at it as we spoke and definitely noticed it was his own words. It intrigued him I think. I also think he'd read something with that type of casing in more depth over some fancy "I LOVE YOU GERARD" cliche portfolio casing. *yawn* I'm tired folks and will be contacting anyone who messaged me just in case they miss this.

O and one final note. The sign I had that read, "I SUPPORT MCRMY PHILLIPINES", right before I was about to leave. I said,"No. Uh uh. I have to try something to AT LEAST get Gerard to know that his fans in the Phillipines want acknowledgment." I did.:) ask my boyfriend. lol  I COULDN'T get back to see him but one of the people that were blocking Gerard I spoke to. I had a 3 minute in depth explanatory session with him. He said, he would give it to him after I made him understand how important it may be even to Gerard. Ya know, Gerard would WANT to know where in the world fans are waiting for My Chemical Romance to show up.;) I also put in the "Buzznet Sends Their Love" section of the letter, how the Phillipines wants to know he supports them. :)

Me- YOU MUST BECAUSE AND THEREFORE PROMISE HE NEEDS TO SEE THIS LOL

Store Worker- I will give it to him.

Me- You will!!

Store worker- Yes. :)

Me- THANK YOU!!!

I kinda sealed the deal when I shouted to the guy, "I LOVE YOU". lol ...omg...Gerard heard that! LMFAO O no. hahaha Ooooops....or no ooops? O_0   

There it is folks. The girl who has NEVER been to a My Chem concert has had her day. I am...


...all smiles.


I have a new pep in my step...


...the autograph of the millenium. O I'm Tricia by the way.lol Being that so many of you sent me your names for the letter, it's only fair. :)....but it's Dark Goddess to you! O_0 lol This SOOO freaked me out because I have gone my WHOLE LIFE with people assuming my name was spelled T-R-I-S-H-A. Gerard didn't ask how to spell my name AND HE GOT IT RIGHT! :D Although I do feel bad for all the S-H-A Tricia's out there.lol Now that I think about it,  I would have been MEGAMAN DONKEYKONG SUPERMAN PINGPONG PISSED if he had spelled it the other way. So God Bless Gerard for somehow just knowing. Everytime I look at it my heart sinks. What's next? Telekinesis Mr. Way?! The comic? I haven't read it yet. I don't wanna open it. :( I'll probably get another copy. My Mcr bud read his and said IT'S AWESOME!!

I'm exhausted, hungry and sore. So...

So long and goodnight...


Sorry you couldn't be there with me...


and Keanu's still cuter!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Pleasure hurts when it's worth only buttons undone.

You can run till you swim. Get the hose it's a pun.

Get him off. Turn it up. You're the millionth to one.

What's a jewel in a pool if it spews shitty raptures in tons?

*drums/racing heart effect 3 seconds*

Have a taste. Find the place where it's you, yours alone.

Keep your tail in the air? Get the mutt men a bone.

You might like till it bites. In the pit's where they roam.

Fuck the bitch. Perfect pitch. Shrug it off. Scurry on. Puke cologne.

*drums/racing heart 3 seconds*

CHORUS- (the chorus is when the song gets slow and melodic)

Goddess Loosey? (background vocals repeat 1x)

Vorresti Sposarmi?(background vocals repeat 1x)
*means will you marry me in Italian*

Learn this love song. *short pause* Keep your shirt on.

*drums/racing heart 7 seconds*

Freeze the water. There's drugs in the fountain below.

Only sleets at high speed by the open window.

Shield your eyes from the fumes. Toxic plants on the road.

Chemistry plus romance minus you is a slit to the throat.


*drums/racing heart 3 seconds*

Fuck around. Pass it down. Wear the crown to the show.

Take a bow. Hear me out. From the dungeon below.

Listen up. Pump it up. What the fuck is the hell, you invite to the night where 2 lovers hear bells?

Swallow hard. Hardly hydrated. Drink to the fool.

Leave all misery mysteries. Silken the wool.

Keep it clean. Clean it up. Fuck the boo's in the hall.

Grip the swing. While I sing. Beauty's 'B' gives a lady the balls.

*drums/heart racing 3 seconds*

Chorus 3x

by Voluptuosity

On Mar 4 1:04 AM
© All rights reserved

Life's a bitch then you die. But every so often a band comes along that makes you wanna live until you go out like a warrior. My FUCKING Chemical Romance. I have had so many nightmares in the brink of my waking hours.  But here I am. Stronger, wiser and super wicked.  Drawn to the genius of darkness. Cuz hey, that's kinda what it made me.lol

"Take me by the hand and drop me by the flames. I'll burn down all my fear and meet you where it rains.",
See that? That just came out of me.lol My FUCKING Chemical Romance. Gerard, Mikey, Bob, Ray and Frank they inspire that, with a little talent on my part.lol And once upon a time they most likely wouldv'e been the only ones to "get that" on my side of the global fence. So I ride on the tracks day in and day out aboard the MCR train. Head out the window, arms raised high, and middle fingers in the wind.

To be taught life is impossible. For life is a lesson learned. So I'll stay. I'll keep on and get it up when I have to shout fuck you to the sky. Because lately no one's held me, understood me, accepted me quite like My FUCKING Chemical Romance. Fate? Naaaah! Too many people say that. I guess MCR making it so far whether it's on the charts or in our hearts was more like...destiny. Rock on babes and you'll never die because kids like us never die out.

P.s if anybody gives a shit, I wrote lyrics for Gerard posted at allpoetry.com.,entitled "No More Lullabies". MCR gave me the guts to write that. "Never take anybody's shit.", Gerard Way/MCR. My author name there is same here, Voluptuosity. Now fuck off!
http://allpoetry.com/Poem/2000530